REVELATION ALERT:
OCTOGATE: My Fool Proof Plan to Save the World and Get Away with it:
Jeffrey Sachs
Dear President Obama,
I’ve read about too many patterns in world systems relating to global trade, and just how damn influential GDP is on quality of life. This is not a perfect correlation by any means, there are some outliers, but there’s a pretty linear relationship between how much money a country has and the amount of suffering the population of said country has to go through. It’s actually staggering.
I direct you to the CIA world factbook and their ranking of the worlds countries by GDP (purchasing power). If you’re familiar with these countries or if you compare it to the Human Development index (HDI), it’s like your looking at the same list.
https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/fields/2195.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_Human_Development_Index
I know that this isn’t an original concept, but once it really sinks in, when you make the connection between monetary policy and humanitarian conditions relating to war, disease, starvation, life expectancy, and general living conditions, you have no choice but to throw your arms up and walk away from the whole damn thing. In that I mean just get on with your life and consider it part of the human condition.
Or you can be like me and get so emotionally devastated by this that you become obsessed with politics. And come up with a plan.
The Plan
I’ve been following economist Jeffery Sachs for a long time now. Anyone who spends any time with me probably hears his name several times a day. He has an excellent record of bringing third world countries out of severe economic crisis or depressions. In the eighties and the nineties he would go to post-communist countries (including Russia and the first commie satellite to fall, Poland) and introduce what others have called “shock therapy” economics, which is basically to have the State bite it and privatize almost everything. After an initial economic freak out (and it really does freak people out), industry picks up speed and your on your way to McDonalds, ultra billionaires, decent inflation rates, laughing babies, brighter sunshine and Bernie Madoff.
He then would stick in reasonable restrictions and regulations on the free market, but I can’t stress enough that it is still a free market; it’s just got some rules similar to the ones that Geithner is putting in place at this very moment. The whole lets-not-let-those-bubble-bursts-and-down-cycles-lead-the-whole-world-to-a-state-of-panic-and-general-higgly-piggly attitude. You guys get a lot of points for that, only loons think the market will magically fix itself. Anyways, he helped a lot of countries defy the Soviets both before and after the Union, and was a pretty badass guy in general. And Naomi Klein, I read you, your hot, I want to marry you but you’re dead wrong on this one.
So that was when Jeffery Sachs was still a baby. It gets a hell of a lot better.
He’s now the head of the Millennium Project, Special Adviser to Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon, director of the Earth Institute, etc. just look him up. He’s basically got a lot of great ideas on how we, the United States, G20 and the lot can shift private and public investment to an atmosphere that not only combats but actually eradicates extreme poverty (defined as people living on less than 1 dollar a day, most of which their lives suck. This is an objective fact, if you’re still arguing that their lives are somehow not torn by hunger, misery, dictatorship, sometimes anarchy, etc. then just forget it, there is no talking to you).
And we can implement these ideas and still make money. A lot of money. The US and G20 still gets to be on top, we still get to dictate global foreign and fiscal policy. In fact, if the third world gets a little less miserable and it is generally acknowledged that we were the ones that actually stood up and said “Screw the status quo! Screw the system! I’ve got a way to combat starvation and poverty and I’m going to get rich while I do it!” then it’s free reign for the next fifty years. Just like the decades after WWII and the great depression when we kicked ass and inspired the world and got away it, sort of.
Remember in the 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s when we could run around toppling foreign dictators and replacing them with other foreign dictators in the name of freedom and capitalism? We can do that again. But first we’ve got to look like we care about humanity.
And now we can’t even invade a little country like Sudan to stop a government from killing, torturing, stealing from and ethnically cleansing its own citizens. Because we look like dicks and we’ve lost our moral standing in the world, and that shit is important. We can’t be a hedgemon or a world leader or even a superpower unless the rest of the world sees us as legit.
But we can invade Sudan, and all sorts of countries that suck. If we ran around investing in the third world, buying their resources at fair prices, skirting around their corrupt and murderous governments and investing in their people, resources, labor unions, environmental programs, education systems, human rights efforts, medical faculties and most importantly their industry, we would make so much money, and have so much good will, that we could invade a Muslim country, topple over their corrupt regime, install a new and less corrupt regime, and not look like neocolonialists. Imagine that. It seems like utopia.
But we’ve got to change our investment policies first. And Geithner isn’t going to do that. If you’re familiar with the concept of oligarchy then you know what I mean. Geithner is a good guy, but he is in bed with the status quo. I know this sounds revolutionary and that’s because it is. Geithner doesn’t understand what Jeffery Sachs is proposing. He doesn’t understand that we can invest in Africa and Southeast Asia at fair prices and still make a buck. Sure a couple billionaires might loose a few bucks, and they’re going to put up a fuss. Some people in America might even lose their jobs and have to go on welfare, but they will still eat. And we’ll set up public housing programs and debt relief and Sean Hannity will call us Communists and Totalitarians and we’ll have him shipped to a desert island. But it will all stabilize itself, the market will shift to a new system, and it will survive. New jobs based on divestment and integrity will be created.
We may one day look at the Republican Party and say “I remember you, you tried to destroy the world. You came damn close, then we looked at New Keynesian and Sachs global economic theories and put them into play, risked our political future, and now the world is a better place. There’s less corruption because there’s less incentive for corruption, and it worked.”
And then we can go to bed and actually sleep.
I direct you too this speech (scroll down to April 1 2009 and click it) http://www.lse.ac.uk/collections/LSEPublicLecturesAndEvents/live/LSELive_previous.htm Sachs made on the eve of this years G20 in which he predicts that their will be continuing trends of minimum investment at too low of a cost, too little aid and a general sense of “What can we do? I’d like to help but come on, the poor are poor and the rich are richer.” He was right.
If Jeffrey Sachs was in there we’d have a different world, but he’s not, and if you were advocating change that we could really believe in, you’d have appointed Sachs in the Treasury. But maybe you freaked out because the economy went to shit and people were losing their jobs and you just wanted things to be sort of back to the way they were. I understand, and I commend you. But things are so fucked right now that we might as well implement change that makes a real difference, and still gets us out of this rut.
This is what Sachs is advocating; A new type of investment trend that recognizes that through responsible global investment, private and government investing can sift through the bullshit and get down to solving these problems without hurting our country, or erasing the oligarchy.
Simply put, I really think Jeffery Sachs has a point. And the main difference that I see between the New Keynesian economists and Laissez-faire “magic” market capitalists is that the George Bush, Ronald Regan, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity bullshit artists don’t give a flying shit about human suffering, they only care about the almighty dollar. And the Jeffery Sachs of the world actually care about human suffering and have a pretty reasonable approach to doing something about it. It’s just a matter of appointing someone outside of the oligarchy to shift the system in the right direction.
So please Obama: when Timothy Geithner gets busted for stealing or has to take the blame for some horrible scandal in the administration, kiss your career goodbye and stick Jeffery Sachs in there so we can finally do something for the 1 billion or so people on this planet who are starving. Do you know what happens to people when they starve? They go fucking crazy and kill each other, or worse.
Sorry. I mean, get reelected first, make it look like Geithner has a drinking problem or likes getting tied up and sodomized by male octogenarians, or whatever, just make it interesting. CNN can’t report on Sudan where real news actually takes place you know? They always report on the inane, inflammatory stuff that……
Wait a minute……..
I just had a great idea on how you can save the world AND keep your career!
Ok. Hear me out. This will work.
Ok, so we all know that the media has zero control of itself. If something crazy and embarrassing happens to a public figure they HAVE to obsess over it. Actually it’s the law. I’m not kidding either! Look, these are corporations right? By law they have to do whatever is best for their shareholders. And if you had the choice to watch a leaked video of Timothy Geithner getting sodomized by an octogenarian (dubbed Octogate, by Brian Williams) or some boring old stuffy tiny little economic story like changing global finance, what would you watch? You bet your ass you’d be watching Ann Coulter, with her eyes spinning around in her weird bird face scary head screaming “I TOLD YOU THEY WERE EVIL!!! THEY FUCK OLD MEN!!!
OOOOOO!!!!! This is technically a conspiracy too! Subversive, planned, under the radar. And I’m assuming Geithner doesn’t really like getting sodomized by octogenarians. Hey Geithner, way to take one for the team!
Ok, so you see how you can save your career? First off, if you try to pull something like this during your first term you won’t get reelected, they will eventually catch on. But, because its gonna take a while to find the octogenarian, and because we’ve gotta get Jeffery Sachs in on this too, and we’ve gotta convince Geithner of you-know-what, I figure this whole thing is gonna take a while to plan anyway. So we’ll wait until you get reelected to leak the video and then we immediately stick Sachs in there, and he better not screw up.
So now we’ve got four years to even out the playing field, or “spread the wealth” as you like to put it on national TV (good one there buddy). While CNN goes ape shit and starts putting up 3D renderings of what happens internally to the male rectum (dubbed Octographs by Wolf Blitzer) while being sodomized, Jeffery is quietly making secret deals with world leaders during G8 and G20 and all those great meetings you guys go to. Four years of what I like to call “fiscal responsibility” rolls by and the next thing you know, food and economic distribution is up and Africa doesn’t have to take shitty World Bank loans to keep the warlords in power. And we benefit fiscally too because we get sweeeet deals with our new trading partners. And you come out of it looking like the guy who actually modernized humanity.
And if you’re thinking that this will never work then you’re wrong. By the time Mr. Sachs has implemented the changes, the investors will have already been predicting the new trend toward proper investment in third world countries, and will be investing accordingly. Anyone not on the ball on this is going to see their economies hit hard and will adjust soon. This mixed with my general policies of divestment to keep the money from having to filter through the third world dictators hands should set us on the path to egalitarianism, utopianism, and victory, for all.
-Ian
Geithner, I know what your thinking. “Why do I have to be the one to have to get the thingy?” I’m sorry man, you’re the Treasury Guy, and you know the plan won’t work if we put Sachs into the department of transportation.
I don’t know why you always have to take the fall in my articles, but this time you have to do it for the good of mankind, you’re like Jesus or something. You will be remembered!! I don’t hate you any more!!
OCTOGATE: My Fool Proof Plan to Save the World and Get Away with it:
Jeffrey Sachs
Dear President Obama,
I’ve read about too many patterns in world systems relating to global trade, and just how damn influential GDP is on quality of life. This is not a perfect correlation by any means, there are some outliers, but there’s a pretty linear relationship between how much money a country has and the amount of suffering the population of said country has to go through. It’s actually staggering.
I direct you to the CIA world factbook and their ranking of the worlds countries by GDP (purchasing power). If you’re familiar with these countries or if you compare it to the Human Development index (HDI), it’s like your looking at the same list.
https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/fields/2195.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_Human_Development_Index
I know that this isn’t an original concept, but once it really sinks in, when you make the connection between monetary policy and humanitarian conditions relating to war, disease, starvation, life expectancy, and general living conditions, you have no choice but to throw your arms up and walk away from the whole damn thing. In that I mean just get on with your life and consider it part of the human condition.
Or you can be like me and get so emotionally devastated by this that you become obsessed with politics. And come up with a plan.
The Plan
I’ve been following economist Jeffery Sachs for a long time now. Anyone who spends any time with me probably hears his name several times a day. He has an excellent record of bringing third world countries out of severe economic crisis or depressions. In the eighties and the nineties he would go to post-communist countries (including Russia and the first commie satellite to fall, Poland) and introduce what others have called “shock therapy” economics, which is basically to have the State bite it and privatize almost everything. After an initial economic freak out (and it really does freak people out), industry picks up speed and your on your way to McDonalds, ultra billionaires, decent inflation rates, laughing babies, brighter sunshine and Bernie Madoff.
He then would stick in reasonable restrictions and regulations on the free market, but I can’t stress enough that it is still a free market; it’s just got some rules similar to the ones that Geithner is putting in place at this very moment. The whole lets-not-let-those-bubble-bursts-and-down-cycles-lead-the-whole-world-to-a-state-of-panic-and-general-higgly-piggly attitude. You guys get a lot of points for that, only loons think the market will magically fix itself. Anyways, he helped a lot of countries defy the Soviets both before and after the Union, and was a pretty badass guy in general. And Naomi Klein, I read you, your hot, I want to marry you but you’re dead wrong on this one.
So that was when Jeffery Sachs was still a baby. It gets a hell of a lot better.
He’s now the head of the Millennium Project, Special Adviser to Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon, director of the Earth Institute, etc. just look him up. He’s basically got a lot of great ideas on how we, the United States, G20 and the lot can shift private and public investment to an atmosphere that not only combats but actually eradicates extreme poverty (defined as people living on less than 1 dollar a day, most of which their lives suck. This is an objective fact, if you’re still arguing that their lives are somehow not torn by hunger, misery, dictatorship, sometimes anarchy, etc. then just forget it, there is no talking to you).
And we can implement these ideas and still make money. A lot of money. The US and G20 still gets to be on top, we still get to dictate global foreign and fiscal policy. In fact, if the third world gets a little less miserable and it is generally acknowledged that we were the ones that actually stood up and said “Screw the status quo! Screw the system! I’ve got a way to combat starvation and poverty and I’m going to get rich while I do it!” then it’s free reign for the next fifty years. Just like the decades after WWII and the great depression when we kicked ass and inspired the world and got away it, sort of.
Remember in the 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s when we could run around toppling foreign dictators and replacing them with other foreign dictators in the name of freedom and capitalism? We can do that again. But first we’ve got to look like we care about humanity.
And now we can’t even invade a little country like Sudan to stop a government from killing, torturing, stealing from and ethnically cleansing its own citizens. Because we look like dicks and we’ve lost our moral standing in the world, and that shit is important. We can’t be a hedgemon or a world leader or even a superpower unless the rest of the world sees us as legit.
But we can invade Sudan, and all sorts of countries that suck. If we ran around investing in the third world, buying their resources at fair prices, skirting around their corrupt and murderous governments and investing in their people, resources, labor unions, environmental programs, education systems, human rights efforts, medical faculties and most importantly their industry, we would make so much money, and have so much good will, that we could invade a Muslim country, topple over their corrupt regime, install a new and less corrupt regime, and not look like neocolonialists. Imagine that. It seems like utopia.
But we’ve got to change our investment policies first. And Geithner isn’t going to do that. If you’re familiar with the concept of oligarchy then you know what I mean. Geithner is a good guy, but he is in bed with the status quo. I know this sounds revolutionary and that’s because it is. Geithner doesn’t understand what Jeffery Sachs is proposing. He doesn’t understand that we can invest in Africa and Southeast Asia at fair prices and still make a buck. Sure a couple billionaires might loose a few bucks, and they’re going to put up a fuss. Some people in America might even lose their jobs and have to go on welfare, but they will still eat. And we’ll set up public housing programs and debt relief and Sean Hannity will call us Communists and Totalitarians and we’ll have him shipped to a desert island. But it will all stabilize itself, the market will shift to a new system, and it will survive. New jobs based on divestment and integrity will be created.
We may one day look at the Republican Party and say “I remember you, you tried to destroy the world. You came damn close, then we looked at New Keynesian and Sachs global economic theories and put them into play, risked our political future, and now the world is a better place. There’s less corruption because there’s less incentive for corruption, and it worked.”
And then we can go to bed and actually sleep.
I direct you too this speech (scroll down to April 1 2009 and click it) http://www.lse.ac.uk/collections/LSEPublicLecturesAndEvents/live/LSELive_previous.htm Sachs made on the eve of this years G20 in which he predicts that their will be continuing trends of minimum investment at too low of a cost, too little aid and a general sense of “What can we do? I’d like to help but come on, the poor are poor and the rich are richer.” He was right.
If Jeffrey Sachs was in there we’d have a different world, but he’s not, and if you were advocating change that we could really believe in, you’d have appointed Sachs in the Treasury. But maybe you freaked out because the economy went to shit and people were losing their jobs and you just wanted things to be sort of back to the way they were. I understand, and I commend you. But things are so fucked right now that we might as well implement change that makes a real difference, and still gets us out of this rut.
This is what Sachs is advocating; A new type of investment trend that recognizes that through responsible global investment, private and government investing can sift through the bullshit and get down to solving these problems without hurting our country, or erasing the oligarchy.
Simply put, I really think Jeffery Sachs has a point. And the main difference that I see between the New Keynesian economists and Laissez-faire “magic” market capitalists is that the George Bush, Ronald Regan, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity bullshit artists don’t give a flying shit about human suffering, they only care about the almighty dollar. And the Jeffery Sachs of the world actually care about human suffering and have a pretty reasonable approach to doing something about it. It’s just a matter of appointing someone outside of the oligarchy to shift the system in the right direction.
So please Obama: when Timothy Geithner gets busted for stealing or has to take the blame for some horrible scandal in the administration, kiss your career goodbye and stick Jeffery Sachs in there so we can finally do something for the 1 billion or so people on this planet who are starving. Do you know what happens to people when they starve? They go fucking crazy and kill each other, or worse.
Sorry. I mean, get reelected first, make it look like Geithner has a drinking problem or likes getting tied up and sodomized by male octogenarians, or whatever, just make it interesting. CNN can’t report on Sudan where real news actually takes place you know? They always report on the inane, inflammatory stuff that……
Wait a minute……..
I just had a great idea on how you can save the world AND keep your career!
Ok. Hear me out. This will work.
Ok, so we all know that the media has zero control of itself. If something crazy and embarrassing happens to a public figure they HAVE to obsess over it. Actually it’s the law. I’m not kidding either! Look, these are corporations right? By law they have to do whatever is best for their shareholders. And if you had the choice to watch a leaked video of Timothy Geithner getting sodomized by an octogenarian (dubbed Octogate, by Brian Williams) or some boring old stuffy tiny little economic story like changing global finance, what would you watch? You bet your ass you’d be watching Ann Coulter, with her eyes spinning around in her weird bird face scary head screaming “I TOLD YOU THEY WERE EVIL!!! THEY FUCK OLD MEN!!!
OOOOOO!!!!! This is technically a conspiracy too! Subversive, planned, under the radar. And I’m assuming Geithner doesn’t really like getting sodomized by octogenarians. Hey Geithner, way to take one for the team!
Ok, so you see how you can save your career? First off, if you try to pull something like this during your first term you won’t get reelected, they will eventually catch on. But, because its gonna take a while to find the octogenarian, and because we’ve gotta get Jeffery Sachs in on this too, and we’ve gotta convince Geithner of you-know-what, I figure this whole thing is gonna take a while to plan anyway. So we’ll wait until you get reelected to leak the video and then we immediately stick Sachs in there, and he better not screw up.
So now we’ve got four years to even out the playing field, or “spread the wealth” as you like to put it on national TV (good one there buddy). While CNN goes ape shit and starts putting up 3D renderings of what happens internally to the male rectum (dubbed Octographs by Wolf Blitzer) while being sodomized, Jeffery is quietly making secret deals with world leaders during G8 and G20 and all those great meetings you guys go to. Four years of what I like to call “fiscal responsibility” rolls by and the next thing you know, food and economic distribution is up and Africa doesn’t have to take shitty World Bank loans to keep the warlords in power. And we benefit fiscally too because we get sweeeet deals with our new trading partners. And you come out of it looking like the guy who actually modernized humanity.
And if you’re thinking that this will never work then you’re wrong. By the time Mr. Sachs has implemented the changes, the investors will have already been predicting the new trend toward proper investment in third world countries, and will be investing accordingly. Anyone not on the ball on this is going to see their economies hit hard and will adjust soon. This mixed with my general policies of divestment to keep the money from having to filter through the third world dictators hands should set us on the path to egalitarianism, utopianism, and victory, for all.
-Ian
Geithner, I know what your thinking. “Why do I have to be the one to have to get the thingy?” I’m sorry man, you’re the Treasury Guy, and you know the plan won’t work if we put Sachs into the department of transportation.
I don’t know why you always have to take the fall in my articles, but this time you have to do it for the good of mankind, you’re like Jesus or something. You will be remembered!! I don’t hate you any more!!
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