Sunday, August 2, 2009

BREAKING NEWS: KHAMENEI AND AHMADINEJAD CAUGHT ON WEBCAM


BREAKING NEWS:

EXCLUSIVE HACKED WEBCAM FOOTAGE OF AYATOLLAH KHAMENEI GIVING IRANIAN PRESIDENT AHMADINEJAD HEAD. THE REAL REASON BEHIND THE STOLEN ELECTION IN IRAN.

Here’s the story. It’s been widely reported that there is a “cyber war” going on between American and British cyber geeks and Iranian government cyber geeks. 30 year olds everywhere are sitting in their mom’s basement, day and night, eating hot pockets, watching porn, and helping fight totalitarianism, all in the name of freedom and democracy for the repressed Iranian citizens.

I thought to myself “Ian, you always talk about freedom for Iran and how hot Persian women are, you go to rallies in support of the students, but how can you help fight in the Cyber Revolution?”

Web Cam hacking!

I’d heard that’s it’s relatively easy to hack into any low security web cam on the planet, of which there are millions, especially in Tehran. That city is Orwellian, every street corner is monitored by the revolutionary guard, and every cop station and gulag is under heavy surveillance. This is so they can show edited footage of how well they treat their political dissidents in their sharia court of law, so they can execute students who want to hold hands in public, or listen to music.

So I thought- I bet that most of these prison guards don’t know shit about web cam security.

See, you can use certain codes and techniques to “hack” into low security web cams, and you can then control the angle that the cam is facing via remote. I thought that most of the handcuffed beatings of these 500 or so political prisoners will be done out of camera view, but they still might be taking place in the same room, giving me the opportunity to record them with their own security webcams without their knowledge. Maybe I can record them abusing prisoners, then send the video to CNN, further de-legitimizing the Iranian Government, making me a cyber hero.

So I start looking for Government web cams. After a few weeks, a hell of a lot of pizza rolls, and thirty computer viruses from web porn, I come across a video stream of a Persian guy giving what seemed to be a Mullah a…. how should I put this….. a blowjob. At first I thought it was funny, but then it dawned on me: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THAT’S AHMADINEJAD!!! HOLY FUCKING CANOLI THAT’S KHAMENEI!!! THIS IS LIKE THE 80’S ALL OVER AGAIN!!! Why is Khamenei giving Ahmadinejad the blow job, and not the other way around? I thought homosexuality wasn’t a problem in Iran.

You can see the video here: http://picard.ytmnd.com/

I’ve always wondered why in the hell would Khamenei risk his political legitimacy over an idiot duchebag like Ahmadinejad, I guess now we know.
-Ian

The Diplomaniac!

Spreading Democracy like HPV Since 2009

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