Monday, September 28, 2009

HA HA HA HA!!!


I don't normally just post little news articles, but this is just too funny....



Translator Couldn't Take Gaddafi Speech
Updated: Sunday, 27 Sep 2009, 2:56 PM EDTPublished : Sunday, 27 Sep 2009, 2:55 PM EDT
By MIKE BRODY
(MYFOX NATIONAL) - Muammar Gaddafi's personal translator broke down towards the end of the Libyan leader's meandering 94-minute UN speech last week and had to be relieved by a UN Arabic speaker, according to the New York Post .
The Libyan interpreter reportedly collapsed from exhaustion after translating about 75 minutes of Gaddafi's speech, which lasted six times longer than the UN's 15-minute time limit.
"I just can’t take it any more," Khadafy's interpreter shouted into the live microphone in Arabic.
UN rules specify that translators only provide live interpretation for 40 minutes at a time, but Libya insisted on using its own translators for English and French rather than one of the 25 Arabic translators provided by the UN. Libyan diplomats said that Gaddafi would be speaking a dialect that only his staff could understand.
The longest-ever UN speech was delivered by V. K. Krishna Menon, who spent nearly eight hours defending India’s position on Kashmir to the Security Council in January 1957.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Why I would have stayed in school, still have a girlfriend, and not have had a total meltdown at the end of the Bush era if Bill Hicks were still here

When I think about Bill Hicks, and what he has to say about life, politics, etc, a lot of the time I think that he is absolutely fucking crazy. And to me, that is a sign that I should keep on listening.

If I were to take most of what he was advocating to heart, and think of it as the literal truth, I'd be as ignorant as the fundamentalists that think the bible is the literal truth. A few conversations about his ideas and jokes that I have been having lately have got me making parallels between the "Bill Hicks doctrine" and the "christian doctrine".

See, I know that he had a lot of important stuff to say, but he was also a comedian, and he was a guy looking at life from his own point of view. Not applicable to all.

I know people that absolutely love him and sort of take his ideas and apply them to their own personal philosophies and actions. I'm one of them, but I'm not a Hicks fundamentalist. So when I tell some of my most respected friends that MARKETING and MONEY are what makes the world go around, they call me a sellout.

Random friend: "Ian, you think Bill is the Bee's fuckin' Knees, why do you talk about the importance of money? You are a sellout. You contradict yourself."

Ian: "NO. Shut up. You sound like a fucking retard."

He didn't want us to take his word for it, he only wanted us to think for ourselves. I think if he said that something was shit, and someone could find a real reason to why it wasn't shit, he would be proud. He talked in black and white, but he never thought in black and white.

That's a good lesson to learn: Think for yourself, and think all the time.

In reality, there is very little black and white. Just look at the color spectrum: Black and white is either the absence of color, or the presence of all colors. But most of the spectrum lies in between. Does the world work that way? YES.

Anyways, here is how he affected me personally, a sort of letter to the dead:


Dear Dead Bill Hicks,

At the end of the George Bush reign of terror on the world I was pretty much a basket case. After he invaded Iraq, got reelected and then proceeded to use fear and Jesus as an excuse to shit on the entire planet, I had given up on my fellow man, become a severe alcoholic and pill popper, and had proceeded to spend my days on the outskirts of society, yelling at Fox news and Rush Limbaugh, and had become nervous, imbalanced, apathetic and pathetic. An asshole to everyone I new.

Since I was a teenager I had always had this vague idea that I was somehow going to make the world a better place through music, politics, philosophy, activism, you name it. I was always involved in some political, animal, or environmental cause, drifting from one interest to another trying to find my “vocation” in life to somehow make a lasting difference in this world. Or I was trying to get laid.

I had been deeply, deeply inspired by Bill Hicks as a teenager and on into adulthood, but somewhere along the way I completely lost that drive and inspiration. That partially was due to my complete disgust at the Bush administration, and how he seemed to be, in my eyes, hell-bent on destroying as much of the planet as he possibly could. And you know what? I was right. Now we're stuck trying to clean up the mess of some of the sickest assholes to ever grace our "government".

When I realized that America and the rest of the damn planet may actually get back on it's feet, that we might get a person in the white house that doesn't act like he’s Godzilla and that the world is his own personal Tokyo, I started working my ass off to get that black guy into the white house.

After a while, a caring person can go mad with frustration if he sees everything he knows and loves, (i.e. the planet and most of the people and animals on it) go to into hopeless oblivion. And by the end of 2008, I was so stricken with fear at the thought that McCain and Palin would take over the White House and somehow justify polluting the world at insane levels, or probably set off a world war, that I managed to throw away the one thing that still had any meaning to me: my girlfriend.

As I began to recap and realize the reality of all the crazy shit that had actually gone down in the world in the years since Bush had been elected, and what damage had really occurred, I became utterly hopeless, sank into a barrel of personality defect, and managed to lose everything in my personal life, and she dumped me. With good reason.

That sucked. So I, for the first time in my life had a complete mental breakdown. I bought a gun, did some STRANGE SHIT, and somehow managed to come out of it on the other side spiritually and mentally healthier (long story) and now I’m back as the pragmatic idealist that I once was.

And now I stumble back on your philosophy and I think to myself that your death at such a young age is a modern tragedy. We could have really, really, really used you for spiritual and psychological (and fucking funny) comfort through those dark, terrible eight years of fundamentalist bullshit.

If you were still around to keep on evolving your philosophy, guiding and inspiring us, I may have had the psychological resilience to have kept on going through anything, maybe even the end of the world.

Bill, if you thought things were bad in 1994, you should see the 2000’s. But I thank god that while you were here you still got to say a lot, and that we still get to watch as you evolved from a bitter, hilarious comic into a bitter, hilarious humanitarian. Thank You.


Ian

Monday, September 14, 2009

Money vs Physics: Money Wins




15 Reasons why money is the most powerful force in the universe:


You don’t lose energy, you just convert it. You lose money.

All physical forces are external agents that cause stress or motion on a physical body, money just causes stress.

The strong force holds quarks and neutrons together to form particles, the scientists that figured that out were paid with money.

The strong force is the most powerful of the four physical forces. You can’t pay your bills with the strong force.

Archimedes corrected Aristotle’s fundamental misunderstanding of the nature of forces by studying simple machines. Aristotle had to pay for those machines with…..

Emperor Palpatine used the force to control the galaxy, Lucas used money to defeat him.

Ewoks = $$$$

Islamic fundamentalists (they never have money) try to force women to not have sex. Americans with money don’t have to force anyone to have sex.

Money = Sex

Only physicists worry about the strong force, everybody on the planet worries about money.

c + I + g + x -m > E=mc2

If you got that last one, congratulations, you’re almost as smart as you think you are.

They worship the “force” in the UK. We worship the $$$ in the US of motherfucking A.

USA GDP > UK GDP (14 trill > 2.13 trill, suck it losers)


- Diplomaniac